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Sarah Michelle Lamoureux
posted 3/30/08 @ 10:30 PM MST
Matt, I can definitely see your point. And I do think that there are great friendships to be made in class, that can be explored. Dating has many different aspects to it, and there cannot be just one blanket rule. But, there are principles that should be followed during dating, and I offered a principle that I know makes dating more successul and enjoyable. My article addresses dating in the classroom, but I hoped that people recieved the deeper message. The principle I am talking about is patience, which is so crucial in dating. A real relationship takes time to develop. I think there's a tendency to panic because people may think "There's no time! We're all busy college students- and if it doesn't happen this semester, and if I don't ask her out now, then it will never happen!". Then "the game" starts: He asks her out, she says yes. There really is no connection point except that they are in the same class, but that's okay, she's cute and they'll get to know eachother more on the date, right? But how 'real' are people on the first date? Well- First date goes great, and there are plans for a second date. Here's where it gets iffy: He calls her to make plans, but she can't. She has a paper that she just has to write. He's a little put off because he's wondering if that's the real reason she said no- the paper could be a clever excuse. Then the next weekend, he calls again, but she has to turn him down again, because she's already made plans (she is, after all, still single). Now, he's just given up. Two tries is enough.. There was another girl in the study group he had his eye on, so things get awkward between him and girl #1, and he moves on to girl #2. I see this time and time again, some variations, but generally the same! We've all been through it- And why? Because there is a tendency to disregard a firm base of friendship first. We trick ourselves into thinking that it's okay, because dating is what we're supposed to do- that dating is to get to know the person. I agree with that to an extent.. I feel that dating is to get to know a person BETTER. But how do we know when it's not too late, or too soon to ask? When there are a few more conversations, a few run-ins around campus.. when you've had a chance to see her interact with others, and have a general idea of what she's like. Something a little more substantial than 'she's cute and laughs at my jokes.. yeah, this could really go somewhere!'. This is dangerous thinking, yet it happens more than a lot of people care to admit. There has to be a few more conversations. No games. If you study with the person, then get to know them and build that friendship with them. No hidden motives- and that's something I address in my article as well. That the Game is what first destroys a relationship before it begins. It's starting on false pretenses. I think it's great to enjoy another's company. I don't mean to imply to cross the girl off the dating list completely if she's in the same class; I imply merely to stop- and think. Enjoy your time, and enjoy the semester. Think how well the first date will go when you've been able to experience so much together! There will also be an understanding that has developed. You know you don't have to panic when she turns you down for a date- because you already have a script for her personality, you're more accepting of a decline, even though it's still hard. I hope I've cleared up a few questions on this matter. I don't mean to cause any restrictions in dating, because it's all very personal and individual- It should always be used at the individual's discretion. If anything, I hope people learn from my article that dating should never be a game. Games last only a short time, and it implies there's a winner and a loser. But dating can be a win-win situation, and a very good learning experience, not to mention one can come away with a best friend in the end. All it takes is the practice of patience and understanding. Cheesy, I know.. but it works, and it's an honest way we can all abide by.
Of course we are still friends!:) haha I enjoy a good conversation. If you have any more questions please feel free to email me, or call;) Sarahmichelle318@yahoo.com ps. Thank you for the article, as well. I hope I didn't come across as a feminist who hates men, and I'm a really depressed person who wants to spread misery across SUU campus. haha