Sunday, February 24

I am a Latter-Day Saint. I am untroubled. I move with confidence.
I am determined to rise to the challenge- rise to the challenge of keeping standards that proves I am improving upon myself, that I am growing beyond any capacity I ever wished possible through any other means.

This is it.
This is what I'm here for.

Golly. Church, Institute, Firesides.. they are all such wonderful blessings that help me to succeed. It helps me open my mind, cross new horizons.
I have such a testimony of how this helps me grow. I know it's the one way I can be safe in this torrential, unsure world.
I know it helps, through trial, I know.
And I'm so thankful for the option to choose. Any choice will help us change. Question is, how are people changing? I know with the gospel, this girl is changing for the better.
Phew.

Love, Sarah Michelle

What a Handsome Couple

I thought the family would want to see the cute matching outfits Lorin and I wore to the Institute Dance. It was a merry evening. haha

The week of: February 10-16

So, a lot of things happened this week, but I'll try to condense it down.

Sunday, was the fireside and various other meetings. But this fireside was extra special because Justin Osmond (Yes, definitely related to the osmonds and looks like them, too! Gorrrrge-ous...) came and spoke to us, and how we can get excited about the gospel.. which is already exciting enough! He sis a wonderful job on Joseph Smith's First Prayer in sign language, played the violin while reciting "the Masters Touch", and many other wonderful things. It was incredible to see the size of the line of people wanting to meet him. I think we were all star struck. The best part was, he spent time talking to each and every person that came up to see him. His brother is a magnificent organist, and played for us.. and his parents had also come down to see him speak. What a great family!
Monday, I had the opportunity to go to FHE and play a round of BUNCO! We had played it a few weeks ago, and I had the great privilege of being the one with the greatest amount of wipeouts... usually people don't aspire to this position of stink. But, because I was so ridiculously good at wipe-outs I got a prize! ... a candle for stinking so bad... and some butterfingers...
But this time, I got the highest score out of everyone! What a great way to redeem myself:) So I got a little squeeky bathtoy octopus and some reeses pieces. mMmm Delicious!
Tuesday, I ... I don't remmeber life on Tuesday for some reason. Oh yeah! I remember now. It was a fun night! I was asked on a date, and we doubled to La Fiesta.. afterwards we went to the Harlem Globetrotters show at the SUU Centrum, where my date left to 'use the bathroom' and when he dropped me off at home, he had a flag with a cute inscription on the back. What a sweetheart. :) I think he has earned a second date.
Wednesday--- I don't remember This day all that much, but it was fun! Oh wait, I remember now.. there was Enrichment night with the whole 3rd stake, and we had Costa Vida cater while we did a service project. So much fun- We packaged books for new mothers to read to their newborns. Sister Dettamanti and Sister Johnson were quite the team as they spearheaded this activity. Thanks to those sisters whom I didn't mention, like the Presidency, for helping us out! Great job!
Thursday- I kept thinking it was Friday because so much was going on! I basically forget every day, and then I go back remembering what happened.
Oh! It was Valentines' Day! I spent it setting up for the Institute Dance later that evening, "A Night on Broadway" ... most of it was spent tacking down a red carpet.. haha and it involved a fun trip to Wal-mart with my good friend, Mini and a nwe girl on council who is so fun, Megan. Good, good times! Aaaand then Jess and I had planned on going to a 9pm movie, so I headed over to her house so we could head over to the theaters together. I opened the door, and this little 2 year old boy was running around her living room, Cars was playing on the TV, and Jess was holding a 1 month old baby girl. I guess she was babysitting for the night! I didn't mind at all, because I was so tired... and I ended up falling asleep later that night holding the cute little baby, Rachel. At least, that's what I think her name was... she is such a sweet tempered infant.
Friday night, I spent the day just running around getting ready for the dance that night. My friend, Lorin had asked me two weeks prior at bread and soup night.. I don't know if I mentioned that story, but it was in front of.. of a very large crowd. After he had dedicated the song "I wanna Grow Old With You" by Adam Sandler, he says "Because I still have the mic, I want to take the opportunity to ask you, Sarah Michelle, since you can't possibly say no.. to the Institute Valentines Dance!"...
and my face was bright...bright B-r-i-g-h-t- red. Fun times.
After a few moments of trying to shake my head yes, and he didn't understand.. I yelled "ALRIGHT! I'LL GO WITH YOU!"

haha
serves him right...
:) I was trying to say yes with my head nod, but he couldn't read it! ah. so I went with him to the dance.

And our outfits matched! We wore black and white... and he brought me some of my favorite flowers, Gerber Daisies.
Then we danced the night away- it was so much fun! Not awkward at all... and I loved dancing with the other couples there. It was just a blast, and we were able to dance most of the slow songs together, which was nice to know that I wouldn't be without a partner on those songs.
All in all, a very very good night. I imagine that's how prom is supposed to be.. but in most high schools, people aren't very mature yet, and dances get nasty sometimes. So, it was good to be in a nice atmosphere with a very charming date.

So, today I just went and saw "definitely, Maybe" with Jessica. and I've just taken a break from cleaning the house to write this all down.
I talked with Mike and my Father in the past few days, and I miss them. I want my parents to know how much I love them! Their anniversary was on the 13th of February.
And, my friend Brittany Twitchell is now Mrs. Brittany Westwood! Chad and Brittany were married Friday the 15th in the St. George Temple. I love it:)
So, I think I'll thank the Lord for all my many blessings! Life is just so wonderful.
With All My Heart,

Sarah Michelle

Day of: Friday, February 8th 2008

And
..

She sits at the computer, not knowing what to do.
There are a lot of thoughts that are going through my head right now.
It's already February, and what have I done with myself? With my goals that Ihad?
I really wish that I was accountable to someone other than myself. It would make life so much easier.

Anyways, last night I went to Provo to see my brother in his play "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
It was so interesting- I want to think a little more deeply about it, but my brain is going out of service right now. I really don't know what my problem is. I think for the past few days I've been having a hard time concentrating. I hope I'm not coming down with anything... serious.

Well,
I don't know what else to post. I think that my sister in law might have something on her blog-

http://www.ms-eternalfamily.blogspot.com/

She took a pretty rockin picture of Patrick last night, as we were all so proud of him!

Anyways. There's not much else that I can write I guess.

Have a beautiful night, Loves.

Sarah Michelle

Day of: Wednesday February 6, 2008

So yesterday I thought it was February 6th, the whole day.. and now I think I'm in that movie, Groundhog's Day.
Awesome.
I wonder what life will be like tomorrow?

Well, in any case, it's been absolutely wonderful. I'm just wasting a little bit of time on the computer before I hit the books. I know that this is very theraputic- writing things down, I mean.
And I'm glad to write, because... it's cathartic. Another word for theraputic I guess. I don't know- I heard it in one of my classes, and I pretend that I know what the word means when a co-student bleets it out. All this college "Smart talk".
I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep up my facade. I think the time is coming when people realize I'm not so intelligent, and they throw me out of town. The other day I was listening to people talk about "Academic Writing", which is quickly becoming a way of the past as we near the future... And I have a vague idea of what it is- it's what I can't do- which is to sound smart.
It's not a huge goal of mine, anyways.
I thought it interesting.


Well, I've been thinking about a few things.
One of which is time. I want to live life today: To do what I'm doing while I'm doing it and to be where I am when I'm there.

It makes sense! I know it does, because I can understand what I said.

But, truly- If i'm going to spend my nights studying I better put forth the effort, and put forth the time to do it. I had better see the project to the end. If I'm going to watch a movie with friends, I'd better enjoy the decision that I made, and enjoy my friends- not worrying if I did all the studying for that night. And that's the thing: I need priorities, and I need balance.
It's a good thing to have priorities in college. I wonder why guys get so upset with me when I tell them I have studying to do at the same time they invite me to go somewhere. They're in college, too! Don't they understand that just because they have free time, it doesn't mean that we all do! Especially not me.
Anyways, I hardly get 'me' time, so when there's a spare moment- you betcha I'm going to spend it selfishly on myself.
:)

Anyways, those come so sporadically, that it's hard to go on dates as it is. Of course, sometimes I just can't say no to a weekend date, and I end up going... The trick is saying yes when I don't have anything going on.

Another tangent:
It's just SO HARD to spend a 4 hour date with someone, regardless if it's the weekend or not!! BOYS: Especially on the first date- Keep it short, and sweet. It's so ridiculous to spend 4 hours with someone I hardly know. What's supposed to be small talk, just "scratching at the surface" turns into some huge self-disclosure session.. I then feel an obligation to this stranger- Then the next time I'm asked on a date, and I say no- {because I have other priorities... like school work which, I'm not sorry- I'm here to go to school, and that's my main focus! NOT to get my MRS degree}-
anyways, when I say no because of other commitments, there's this huge offense committed and they are unlikely to ask again.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Just pay attention to signals- you're not all idiots.

Plus on the date, I find that so much self-disclosure on your part is just overwhelming. It creates this panic inside me- because I don't want to be trusted with all this information! Of course I'm not going to blab away your secrets, since it was given to me in confidence- But when I'm thinking over the night's events, I'm definitely not thinking what a nice time I had with the boy I want to get to know more-
I fall asleep in a panic- about this luggage that's been given to me to carry around for awhile. Trust me, not cute.
It can get very distracting when I'm trying to focus on homework later that week and my mind wanders to your hideous situation.
What. the. Deuce.
Keep it to yourself. Keep me interested. Don't talk, and take me home.


Phew*




Alright, now that I went on about that, I might as well continue.
There's not much else to talk about- but I'll say one last thing about guys and dating:

Guys- If the girl isn't giving you the green light, give up. Please.
If you want the green light, become her friend, and make her interested. This may take time. Having one good first conversation doesn't mean get her number. Nor does it mean she wants to give you her number. Some girls are just flirtatious and friendly, some girls are just making polite conversation, some girls are getting another guy jealous, and some girls are bored. Very few girls are interested in you during that first conversation. Have a few run-ins with her, and see if a good conversation is possible again.
This way, a friendship and trust is developed. This way, she's more likely to give you green lights. This way, she will say YES without hesitation, to a date with you.
Pay attention to the green light.

When you take this beautiful, interesting girl on this date- keep it under 2 hours, please. We all have lives to get back to- schedules to meet. She has already cleared the night for you, so if the date goes well- and you're about to drop her off, maybe she'll invite you in to talk for awhile. And then it's a mutual want- a want to stay together just a little bit longer.
Then- no more than 20 minutes later, GO HOME.


Sigh.
I'm done. I feel like I've had a generous amount of dating experience..
This is my opinion, and this is how I prefer my dates to go- this is as an LDS girl in college, who isn't young enough to be naive about boys, but not aged enough to know everything.
This is what I know I like- My goal in talking about this is the hope that guys may get more dates... in the right way. It's hard enough as it is to start a relationship- It's more effective when one thinks about advice given, and tailor the information to what their dating style is.

It has been my experience that some guys are clueless. All they know is they think this girl is cute and fun, and want to spend time with her. BUT PLEASE- if you guys want to continue dating this fun, cute girl, you must be more controlled, and tactful. It can be such a painful, blunderous event when one isn't prepared.
Hey- preparation is half the battle. I know that when one is prepared, they are confident. And confidence is attractive. SoO attractive! It means the guy 'knows' what he's doing. It's kind of cute when boys are new at the dating game and clueless... but please, it gets old. Those guys that are clueless- they only get so far. Basically as far as the deep end of the 'friendship pool'. In the relationship water park, this is the mother of all kiddie pools. Congratulations, Newby.
So, get your experience and prepare yourself. Then all things shall work out for your good.



Guys, sometimes girls are mean as well. I've had my moments.
This will become the topic of a future post: THE PROBLEM(S) WITH FEMALES- A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE.
Watch out:)

Love ya'll.

Sarah Michelle

Week of: February 3

Before I write anything I wanted to thank my Heavenly Father that my little sister, Megan, is not dead.

I could hardly breath. I was standing in line, with the rest of my family, and we just stared at her body on the gurney. She was struggling. She was hooked to so many tubes- The most ugly of them all, the breathing tube diving into her neck, assaulting her precious body. Although I hated that tube, I knew that it was necessary for her survival. I don't know what happened, I was too late to save her- I couldn't breathe. I felt a numb, nauseating feeling wash over me. What happened? I wanted to scream. I think I did- But why couldn't anyone hear me? I looked around, and everyone was going about business as usual-that is, going about their lives in the most normal way possible. Before I could really get into worrying about my own horrifying state, a movement caught my eye. For some reason, they were disconnecting the breathing tube. "STOP!!" I screamed, as I ran towards them, my hands outstretched. They continued. Part of them- part of them were family. My sisters.. my brothers.. why didn't they see that Megan still breathed? She breathed imperfectly, but she was still alive! Were they not going to help me help her??
There was no way I could reach her. I watched them look upon her, and give her one last reassuring stroke on her forehead, now dewed with persperation. She was still alive!!! Couldn't anyone see that?? Put the tube back in! Put in that hideous, wonderful tube! Can't you see what's happening?
But still, nobody noticed. I was a spirit as well. Nobody could hear me, see me... notice my futile efforts to save my little sister.
And then, I watched helplessly as Megan struggled for her one last breath, and she stopped moving.
Even in death, she knew I was there, comforting her with my arms around her lifeless body. I hugged her and cried into her shoulder, still warm from life only moments ago.


Then I woke up.

I still had a hard time breathing- I was seriously thrown into a panic attack! First of all- Why was I only there in spirit? And second of all- What kinds of idiots do I have for family members?

No, that's unfair. It was how my dream had portrayed them- they just didn't know what they were doing, and assumed the best way was-
I can't even think of it anymore, it honestly makes me sick.

And these are the kinds of dreams I have during Sunday Naps.

...maybe I shouldn't nap anymore.






SO I know I haven't posted in awhile, Buuuut I feel that this one needed addressing. So I decided I had a little bit of time- and viola!
This month is going to be one interesting month. Last month I had a lot of surprises- a few of which were, my old college roommate, Pidge, gave birth to her daughter Lily Grace a few days into January. Good job, Jeremy;) She's one CUUUTE baby!
January brought a lot of good, new things- new, fun friends. New professors... my job isn't new, but there are a whole new batch of students to teach.
New Institute Council Members, new Best Friends, and new memories etched forever in time.

January also brought in a few blasts from the pasts, and contact was reestablished with an old, dear friend. Not just a few times did I love and lose this semester- And there have been a few interesting moments brought to my attention. It's been great. I know these descriptions are vague but I wouldn't be able to do them justice if I explained any more than necessary. Especially here on this blog.
I'm sure a few priveledged readers will one day read what I have written about these precious moments in my journal- a more in depth review and accounting of my adventures here at Souther Utah University.

I have also started down a path that is going to change my life forever. I know it's a good path- and I'm proud to be the first girl in the history of my family to walk humbly down this road, the first girl with an opportunity such as this, and taking it. I walk down this path alone, but never lonely.

I'm so grateful for opportunities, and the opportunity to be guided by the Spirit.
It's so hard to make decisions between two choices that I know are right. But when I choose and I get the overwhelming feeling of peace and joy, I know I can move forward in complete faith, and I'm strengthened.

When I was having a moment when I really needed a good friend to help me out of a possible depression (Which is never of the Lord), A good friend told me through a simple text a quote from President Faust.

"Doubts are the means to deepening our understanding of what we already know."

And I didn't understand it at first.. but after pondering on it, I know this:

That without an opposition in all things, I will not be able to understand which choice is right. It is utterly impossible. If I only know one position, that one position will always be right to me.

With illumination comes a doubt. That doubt will not last, because once I've tested my knowledge through faith, I will know that what I've been taught is true and good and the right.

There are hard choices to make, and I may doubt them even right after I've made them. But the peaceful feeling that underlies all the doubt and momentary sadness will not be ignored. Doubt will always be overcome, and then my understanding of why is deepened.

I'm so grateful for agency, and opposition. For without it, how can I feel joy when I've made the right choice? How will I ever progress to that state I desire for myself, and for my brothers and sisters?

I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

But I'm so grateful that I CAN!

Keep Moving Forward.

And this is my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

PS. Fatty- I remembered that awesome little man you made in likeness of you on Ben and Jessica's WII. Do you remember? He had a tight mouth, big forehead.. and a mole in the middle of that forehead.

hahaha

I remembered him during a sweet prayer after a great Sunday school lesson, and I almost had to leave the room fearing I'd burst out laughing!

But I controlled myself:)

You awesome, childish human...

And the moral of this story is:

Please don't take the tube from Megan.

Love,

Sarah Mich'elle