self·ish /ˈsɛlfɪʃ/ –adjective 1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

Synonyms 1. self-interested, self-seeking, egoistic; illiberal, parsimonious, stingy.





It's interesting that only now am I able to see that the line I had drawn between being assertive and being selfish is terribly uneven.
I never understood that on this strait and narrow path in life it's so much more about the people enduring the journey together than one enduring it alone. I realize now why I have such a hard time in relationships. Not just boyfriends, but siblings, friends, relatives...
So many people have put their interests above mine, and I selfishly took advantage of that genuine love.
I wish I had learned this lesson many years ago, if someone had just told me what I was doing wrong and what exactly to think and how to fix it.
But I guess this is the lesson that's only learned through life's beautiful experiences.
Wow. I feel like my whole life has shifted, and I look back on all the people I've wronged and it feels... horrible. I feel like Alma the younger when he gets the smack in the head everyone's been praying for. Why was I so stubborn? Why did I have to hurt so many people, and stain so many memories?

I am not trying to bash myself into the ground, but I am doing some retrospective thinking. And this involves looking at the ugly side of my life. I think I've been trying to hide it from myself too long, and I'm grateful at least that I learned it now... instead of later.

In these next few weeks I hope to redraw the line much more evenly, and I know that with effort I will see the change in my life I've been needing so desperately these 21 years.

Love,
Sarah Michelle

Busy Week(s)

So the hardest part of the semester has arrived. The last 3 weeks. The 3 weeks that will determine the pass or fail in a class. The 3 weeks of piled on projects, last minute material, and hundreds of students gathering in the library to study. Little do the students know that during finals week the last place they should study is the library- it's more of a social feast than good study time. Nothing gets accomplished but a few hellos and conversations with long lost fall semester friends.
They're not really friends...but the people they sat by... maybe they had a group project together.. or ran into eachother for a few awkward conversation minutes on campus.

Sigh. I'm definitely going to miss campus.
Classes, teachers, books.. The stress is even going to be missed. I love the school atmosphere. If I could stay and learn forever, I would. There are so many people to learn such knowledge from! Not just teachers, but I have had some of the most profound talks with classmates. I could learn a few concepts from just reading the books, but in college I get to experience it. And that's where the difference lies. I get to live what I learn.

I read the talk today by President Thomas S. Monson in this month's Ensign. He gives such great counsel.
1. learn from the past.
2. prepare for the future.
3. live in the present.

and don't delay!!!
I do love my life, and I hope that I take the opportunity to really live it. Even though it's the hardest 3 weeks of the semester, it's also some of the most memorable. This is the time when we say our last goodbyes. The turnover happens soon. So let's make those memories, and make 'em good. Go big or GO HOME!!
:)
Love,
Sarah Michelle

Dedication

I dedicate this link to my brother Mike and Sister in law, Stephanie. They are about to embark on such an incredible journey, and I wish them all the Luck in the world!
I love you two.
:D





http://pixiesplace.com/trainride/

Critter in Animation

I don't remember if I've ever talked about Critter sleeping in my room.
But, Lorin showed me a video that describes what happens better than I ever could.

Enjoy!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

Story Time

Here's a nice story for the family to chew on.


Grandma had ordered some pizza for us. It was canadian bacon and pineapple--without the pinapple. Pizza Hut didn't deem us worthy of it- but we showed them. We had some crushed pineapple in the fridge, so we brought that out. Nnyeh.

After the prayer, I'm just looking at Grandma putter around, grabbing the little foods or utensils that are always overlooked before the prayer, and I turn my head to Grandpa, who just snagged a piece of pizza. I thought to myself "Is there anything he won't eat?". I guess I thought out loud, because Gramps answered with "Nope". Grandma just arrived at the table then, and said "Well, maybe some of your concoctions he wouldn't touch."
I stared at Grandpa with a betrayed face that read "Is this true?"
He looked back at me and said matter-of-factly, "You gotta draw the line somewhere!"

Then I ate my pineapple-less pizza.
Well, critter is staring at me, then at the door. I think he's trying to tell me something...
Love you, Lamfam!
Sarah Michelle

My sister-in-law, Stephanie tagged me. Problem is, I don't know 3 other people to tag.
Anyways, I think that these questions are great. So, naturally, I'll answer them and let everyone bask in my glory.



10 years ago...
I was 11, and I was living in California. My best friend was Jenee Opper, and we would run around the streets of Temecula like little waifs. I can't believe my mom let me bike all around that area. I went back a few years ago, and the places I biked to are FAR FAR AWAY. This was also the year I discovered the truth about Santa Claus.


5 things on my to do list...
In Life?
Or Today?
Well, On my To-Do list of Life (no particular order), It would be:
1. Graduate College
2. Serve a mission
3. Get married in the temple
4. Birth Children. That's right. I said Birth.
5. The Spiderman Kiss.



5 snacks that I enjoy...
1. Pudding. Mmmm. I'm sad because I'm looking at an empty pudding cup.
2. Cold pizza
3. Cheddar Sun Chips
4. Cottage cheese and Fruit
5a. Frozen Grapes!!
5b. Oatmeal Cookie Dough. :)



What would I do if I was a billionaire ...
1. Buy lots of jewels and (I'm going to spell this word how it sounds)
Spanish DeBloons.. and long pearl necklaces, put them in a nifty trunk I bought from Pier 41 (Naturally I can afford that store), and bury it all in my huge backyard. I will make my own treasure map... then when I have children, I will make them unearth the treasure. Then we'll go to pizza hut and spend our jewels.



5 things people don't know about me...
1. I am in love with David Archuleta's version of Imagine.
2. I sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the shower, every shower.
3. I dance around my room when I'm getting ready for the day. Taking my time in this way causes unecessary lateness to class.
4. I have a secret love for Dorito Breath.
5. Manic Monday is my favorite weekday!


Sarah Michelle

Awkward Door Scene---

Reality? Maybe... but definitely amusing.

So, that's what happened in the papes.

:)

Now.. I've got a comic to share.

Matthew Johnson
posted 3/31/08 @ 10:48 AM MST
I'm glad you wrote that, it makes mroe sense to me now. I kinda thought you were saying guys should be okay with waiting for a girl who wants to pursue her education and resists dating. Kinda like "Well, you can't date me now, but after I graduate, give me a call!" (thats taken to an extreme) I think a girl who says that is expecting way to much patience! But I totally agree with what you wrote above...